While a breakup shows up out of the blue for some people, others suffer from the feeling that it’s inevitable, and this expectation makes them get stressed. It is all accompanied by missed phone calls, avaricious “sorry I was busy” response messages, and conversations about “something doesn’t work out.” You may feel dissatisfaction and irritation that only aggravate the situation. Love slowly slips through your fingers like sand. This situation might have occurred a long time ago, but now you feel everything too acutely. It is when relationships fail. Even though you may perceive a breakup as the end of the world. It may give rise to insecurity and make you believe that you are doomed to be alone. It can be hard to make yourself stop worrying about the future. However, one day you can look back and understand that all failed relationships with single ladies online were exactly what you needed. Simply put, failed relationships can turn to be the most valuable lesson in your life that allowed you to look at the world from a completely different angle.
Why Failure in a Relationship Is Not Always So Bad
Every person who has gone through a serious relationship knows that they can completely devour and trap you. A banal acquaintance of two people can turn into a serious relationship within literally several months. And even though you were a completely autonomous personality with your schedule, interests, and views before that very meeting, often, the development of relationships leads to the fact that you simply cannot imagine your life without the significant other. It works while everything is developing fine. While both partners still experience sincere love, mutual respect, and a desire to be together, your relationship is a mutually beneficial agreement that stimulates the growth and development of two people. However, if any of these components of healthy physical and platonic relationships disappears, everything changes. When you are in a serious relationship for a long time, they become an integral part of your existence, something taken for granted. If they are high-quality and healthy, then everything is fine. But when something collapses, mixed feelings come down on your head: a mixture of despair, stagnation, and even trap. These feelings occupy your thoughts, and the world that you knew and are used to begins to stagger and fall apart. You feel it on a subconscious level. You know that you have to face it. But a significant part of your inner self does not want this and resists.
When relationships get worse, your mind will work in several directions. First, you will begin to doubt whether you have reasons to feel dissatisfied with relationships. To question your environment is a difficult task, and your mind repels such thoughts. But you already understand whether you are happy or not in such a relationship, and this is the very inner voice that you can always trust.
Perhaps you are unhappy because your couple has turned out to be incompatible. Maybe you didn’t notice at first that your partner is toxic. One way or another, this does not change the fact that you are not getting what you need. You deserve a compatible partner and a relationship that will make you a self-sufficient (and, most importantly, happy) person.
When you leave “the game,” you may begin to take tiny steps towards self-awareness, analyzing what mistakes you made in the past and stubbornly continued to repeat them subsequently again and again. You will understand that you shouldn't look for your value in the eyes of the partner. You should learn to love yourself first to be able to love someone else.
When you put yourself in the first place, when you respect your desires and needs, it will not be difficult for you to understand what you deserve and what you want. There is nothing wrong with thinking about what is best for you and realizing yourself as a person. The experience will make you more careful and selective, so it’s not always bad when a relationship fails.
Reasons Why Relationships Fail
People fall in love with someone for different reasons. We are attracted by the weirdest things that make the person unique. However, when it comes to breaking up, usually, most reasons are the same. Unhappy couples have many things in common. And even though some of them seem abstract, they are the root causes of your dissatisfaction and desire to leave. You may believe that your case is special, but it may turn out that 8 out of 10 couples have got through the same scenario before. To check this statement, just look at the percentage of relationships that fail. You can start tormenting and blaming yourself for the breakup, but the truth is that you have only one life, and the main task of any relationship is to bring happiness. If it doesn’t happen, then it’s time to leave. Thus, let’s find out the top reasons relationships fail.
1. Low self-esteem
A relationship in which one of the partners suffers from constant insecurities and low self-esteem is doomed to failure. It may sound like a cliché, but to love someone, you should know how to love yourself first. If there is no love for yourself, then you will constantly doubt and challenge your partner’s love and feelings in general. Your partner cannot heal your emotional wounds if you don’t work on them. And it is you who can deal with all psychological issues. Nobody can do that for you. When relationships are filled with numerous issues, they cannot withstand all the challenges that life brings. They will not work out. Only a mature person who understands their boundaries and self-worth will be able to create and keep a healthy relationship. It is a common reason relationships fail.
2. Lacking comfort
Talking about things that create a foundation for a happy relationship, comfort will be in the top 10. You should feel completely comfortable with your partner to be able to work on your union. It is about the ability to discuss any topic without being afraid that you will be ashamed or misunderstood. It’s about the ability to stay silent and don’t feel awkward at that moment. When people feel comfortable with each other in all spheres of life, they become mature and develop as personalities. However, when you feel embarrassed or fear when it is necessary to inform your partner about something because you don’t know what reaction to expect, and you keep to yourself all the ideas and plans, as well as feel guilty for something all the time, then you have a huge problem. One day there will be the last straw, and you will leave.
3. Poor emotional connection
Each of us has their past, and it’s not always bright and pleasant. And if there were too many tough and unpleasant things that have affected your personalities, then it can be difficult for you to open up. You carry the burden of the past, and it puts pressure on you. Such people cannot build a quality emotional connection with anyone, even when it is about their significant other. And when partners cannot create a stable and strong emotional connection, they face many problems in their union. They may start projecting their fears and thoughts onto the partner, trying to fill in nonexistent gaps. It may lead to trust issues and the constant expectation of the end of the relationship. Your subconscious makes up a new reality, which becomes one of the reasons why relationships fail.
4. Not quality sex
You may try to prove that sex should not be on the list of the reasons why relationships fail. However, an intimate relationship is a strong bond that connects partners and makes them stay together. It is its integral part that plays one of the crucial roles. If you have problems in this sphere of life, for example, your partner doesn’t attract you physically, and sex happens very seldom, your union will not last long. However, if you have the opposite situation when sex is the only thing that connects you, then your relationship will hardly work out in the long run. The intimate connection should be supported by an emotional one since only in this case, you can hope for happily ever after. Quality sex is no less important than communication and the ability to be on the same wave with a beloved partner. Why do most relationships fail? People underestimate the importance of one or the other side of relationships.
5. Lacking personal development
A relationship is a union of two mature personalities that continue to develop all the time. You should develop to have a happy and healthy union. A period of stagnation should be short and temporal; otherwise, all the previous efforts made will be in vain, and your relationship will fail. Besides, if one of the partners continues to develop themselves one way or another, while the other one has turned into a couch potato that is not interested in anything, then the first one will feel bored pretty soon. And as you know, boredom is one of the main enemies of relationships. You will end up having nothing to discuss except for household chores and shopping lists. Love needs constant fuel to be bright and passionate.
6. Different life goals
To be able to build a strong connection and a foundation for a further relationship, partners should have the same values, aspirations, and life goals. If your partner wants to enjoy life, travel, and hang out with friends every weekend, while you dream about children and calm family life, then your couple has small chances to withstand this challenge. Besides, if a partner doesn’t introduce you to their friends and relatives, making a secret out of your relationship, then you will hardly be together in the long run. It can also happen that your goals have changed with time, so you imagine your life in different ways. Such a position will inevitably lead to a collapse. Why do relationships fail? People turn a blind eye to many red flags and inconsistencies in their worldviews.
What to Do When Relationships Fail?
It is not easy to face the situation when your relationships are on the edge of breaking up. It’s even harder if you have been together for a long time and already forgotten how to be single. Your head can be full of contradictive thoughts that don’t allow you to relax 24/7. You have already found out why relationships fail nowadays, but this knowledge doesn’t suggest any way out. What should you do in a situation when you see that your relationship rolls downhill and is about to collapse completely? Let’s take a closer look at this situation.
1. Realize your desires
The very first thing you should do is to understand whether you want to save this relationship, or you want to move further on your own? What are the reasons why a relationship fails in your case? What’s wrong? Can you change it? For example, if you are living with an abuser, then there is nothing to think about. You should leave. Emotional abuse is the same harmful as a physical one. You have lived for so long, trying to match other people's moods, please desires, and be guided by your partner’s opinion that you might have forgotten who you are and what you want. It's time to fill in the gaps - stop focusing on prompts from the outside, and concentrate on your thoughts and feelings, find yourself, your interests, what makes you happy. It is not a riot. It is the correct setting of priorities. If your values differ, then you cannot do anything about that.
2. Don’t practice silence treatment
A person reacts this way because they perceive it as the usual way of salvation from pain and fear. Thus, they can get angry, offended, or practice silence treatment. It is what your parents did. It is shown in the movies because this way of “punishment” seems to be right. However, if at first, the partner may try to somehow reach out to you and find out the reasons for such a reaction, then they will just get tired of this barrier. It is an example of families where communication is destroyed, and everyone lives cherishing their wounds and trying to defend themselves from the other. And when there is no understanding in a couple, both begin to fantasize about the feelings and thoughts of the other in a negative way, "They do it on purpose," "They throw a tantrum for no reason." Analyze your behavior and talk to your partner.
3. Don't avoid conflicts
One of the ways to destroy your relationship is to avoid problems due to the desire to maintain a visible world and harmony. When something torments and annoys you in a relationship, but you continue to avoid serious talks just to not spoil the atmosphere, you worsen the situation.
Conflicts are inevitable, and they are necessary for the family to become stronger and learn to hear each other. When pain is ignored and suppressed for a long time, you forget about the reasons, and the dissatisfaction remains inside, which grows and kills love. Over time, partners turn into walking “zombies,” who diligently maintain the image of an ideal family, but inside of which everything is long dead. They cannot understand at what point something went wrong because they had never voiced their desires.
4. Don't let fear lead you
In life, there will always be things that scare. It is not a reason to give in to fear. Especially if it takes the lion's share of pleasures and imposes unpleasant restrictions. You might be scared to break up and start everything from scratch even though you understand that you don’t want to live like that and that nothing will change. It means that the time has come to pick yourself up and decide whether you want to waste another year on such a life. It’s time to do what you have long dreamed of. The collapse of relationships is not a reason to get depressed and lose your best years of life. Stop being the hostage of the situation.
Main Things to Analyze When Relationship Fails
When your familiar world starts falling apart, pushing you out of the comfort zone, you can feel stress and become confused. Even if you don’t like many things about your partner, but you have used them, it can be hard to accept the fact that nothing will be the same. The trigger has been pulled, so the time of big changes is coming. What things should you analyze and work on?
Unjustified expectations
There were expectations, common goals, and pink dreams, but the partner didn’t live up to any of that. In general, they do not correspond to the image of an “ideal partner.” How to get rid of anger and resentment? Look at everything that happened to you. Why did you assign such an important mission to them? What is the root cause of that dissatisfaction? Perhaps, in early childhood, your parents could not give you something (love, attention, support), and you decided to shift this task onto your partner? What would happen to your life if this need was already satisfied? Could you begin to move on without shifting responsibility to anyone? And what can you do to become happy right now? Answer these questions, and you will find a way out.
Emotional wounds
They hurt you. Maybe they undermined your trust, humiliated feelings, devalued your personality, and there’s nothing to be done about it. The pain lives inside and prevents you from building a full life. So, you distance yourself from the world. You neither want nor expect nor believe in anything. There is only one way to overcome this painful feeling - to allow yourself to survive, cry, talk out, make it real. Do not run from pain, do not depreciate your relationships, but accept everything as it is and live the grudge to the end. You can write a letter to the partner and express everything that has been poisoning you from the inside. You can find a shoulder to cry on without "wise advice." And after that look for activities that will inspire you to return to life: your favorite hobby, creativity, sports, communication. The main thing is that you are filled with energy and want to move on.
Key values
Sometimes, we lose a feeling of support and confidence in our future. Maybe earlier, your partner gave you emotional support and did all household chores. And when your relationships have started failing, the feeling of stability disappeared. Now it may seem that you have lost the inner core and become vulnerable.
You should understand what exactly you lost. Then restore your integrity and at least partially gain control over life, choose the area that you can influence. Go in for sports, throw unnecessary trash out of the house. It will help regain a sense of control. Further, you can expand the scope of action, for example, to seek new supports, develop the missing qualities in yourself, overcome fears. You are an adult and independent person, so you should act as an adult, without hiding behind the mask of a child.
Accept the Situation
Well, maybe it is time to admit that this chapter of your life has already been read. Just a little bit, and you turn the last page. Even though you have not parted yet, you already understand that the distance between you has become too big. And you do not have the strength even for weak attempts to reach out to each other. The relationship fails, and you are not trying to fix it. Yes, you would like it to work out because you had great hopes and bright prospects at the very beginning. But your love has faded away, and none of you can fix it. And, most likely, you don’t want to. So, it’s time to move one and meet new people.
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