“Let’s never quarrel again!” says the hero of a movie to his beloved girl, repeating the words of the millions of lovers who spoke this before him, and anticipating the words of the billions who have yet to say so. However, everything happens differently in life and in the movie. A year, month, week, day passes, in the worst case - an hour, and darlings again scold. Why does this happen, and can quarrels be avoided at all? Today we will talk about arguments in relationships. We will identify the main reasons why couples are fighting, find out how to get over fights in relationships, identify the rules of argument in a relationship and touch on a few other topics as well.
Arguments Are Inevitable in Relationships
It turns out that quarreling is not only harmful but also beneficial. Indeed, during a quarrel, people express their dissatisfaction, accumulated claims, release negative emotions. And if a person does not talk about their experiences and keeps everything in themselves, sooner or later they may explode. But everything is good in moderation. You should make sure that quarrels don't occur too often, having turned into a regular ritual, like breakfast, lunch, dinner.
Quarrels are different. Some partners always sweetly bay on each other, others periodically swear for various reasons, and still others can lead each other to a nervous breakdown. Someone quarrels sincerely, because they are overwhelmed with feelings and emotions, and someone is simply trying to push their interests.
Yes, you need to sort things out, you need to talk, you need to discuss, argue and prove something, but it would be better to do it, all the same, more or less constructively, rather than using swearing.
If quarrels happen from time to time - this is adequate, this is normal for a developing relationship because everything that moves forward and enriches should periodically come across some difficulties, overcome crises.
This does not mean that if people do not quarrel, they have something wrong in their relationship. Perhaps, on the contrary, they have no mutual complaints, they do not notice each other’s shortcomings, therefore, they are happy together. This is an ideal option, one can only dream of it. But there may be no quarrel for other reasons. For example, complete indifference to each other's life and prospects in couples where one partner is overly authoritarian and the other does not even dare to squeak in their presence.
I would recommend a more constructive attitude to quarrels: not to worry if they happen because of nonsense, analyze them from different angles, if they carry a serious content, and try to objectively evaluate, revise your shortcomings and shortcomings of your partner, trying to fix them.
If you feel like you can no longer live together with a person because of all the quarrels that you have, and they don’t seem to end and never bring anything productive into your toxic relationships, then you should move on. Don’t be afraid to fight for your happiness and meet single ladies right now.
Most Common Topics of Couples Fighting
Are you cursing about sex? Of money? Families? Surely both of you are tired of it, but each time the conflict goes according to one scenario. Here are working ways to stop quarreling on different occasions once and for all!
1. "You should be ashamed of yourself!"
We all sometimes do things that we are not proud of, but there’s no point in scolding for this. Even if the partner did something terrible (cheated or something else), blaming them in public or in private, will not help you both move forward. Experts recommend be responsible only for your feelings and behavior. Then your relationship will be devoid of the consequences of rash reactions and will be more likely to continue if you both want to.
2. “Why didn’t you answer my message?”
Written communication makes the most sense in the following cases: confirmation of a meeting, ordering food, sending a shopping list, sharing memories. For the transmission of emotions, there are more convenient communication channels. Remember: everything that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood. If the conflict begins with a text message, try not to continue it the same way. If you are offended, upset, angry, wait for the moment when you can talk face-to-face, or at least by video link. By typing vicious SMS, you will not decide anything.
3. "Yes, you said that!"
"No, I didn’t!" - "You did!" - "No, I didn’t!" This kind of quarrel is very dangerous because you can get out of it even more angry and upset. The debate about who said what is difficult to conclude on a peaceful note if there is no evidence. We are used to trusting memories and consider them to be incontrovertible facts. But in fact, memory is an active process that is influenced by emotions, and we are trying to recreate the memories taking into account the feelings experienced at that moment. Therefore, it is better to translate the dispute into the mainstream of the description of emotions and build on this.
4. “I already asked you not to do this again”
In a relationship, you care for each other – you are lovers, friends, and closest of confidants, among all other roles. But definitely not the parents! And you do not need to tell each other what and how to do it. When one partner tries to control another, they have a strong sense of rejection and an underlying desire to regain independence. Nobody likes it when someone tries to manipulate them, and this will not lead to any good. Of course, all this does not apply to situations where a person is objectively wrong: treason, crime, violation of traffic rules, etc.
5. "You waste too much money!"
The two common causes of quarrels for many couples are sex and finance, and the first is still easier to discuss. If you constantly argue about the family budget and exceeding credit limits, set aside the charges and think about what financial goals you want to achieve together. If it turns out that your love of expensive things and their love for collecting rare guitars puts you off for years, for example, acquiring your own home, then you can choose what is more important to both of you. In the end, enjoyable hobbies can wait a bit, and putting off long-term goals for the sake of momentary pleasure rarely leads to a better relationship.
6. "Why did you post this on social networks?"
The development of social media has brought both advantages and disadvantages to our lives. They posted a photo that you don't like. You told too many details about your relationship. You can argue about this endlessly, but a working strategy is to determine the boundaries of what is permitted on both sides. Besides, before publishing, you can always ask your partner!
7. “You bought me!”
Disputes about who invests more in relationships, financially or morally, have probably existed since when people generally began to start relationships. Attempts to keep track of all of this often result in failure and new conflict. Just because relationships are a dynamic process, and not always both can apply exactly the same amount of effort. It makes no sense to argue and command, and those who invest less now is also stupid.
8. "Everyone agrees with me, except you!"
Any topic in which the opinions of both of you are important (from buying an apartment to educating children) should be considered from all sides. And what the partner thinks about it is much more important than the opinions of unknown people from the Internet, friends and even parents. Even if the whole world believes that they are guilty by 90% in a quarrel on this issue, while you are guilty by 10%, you bear full responsibility for your interest. And you do not live with these strangers from the Internet!
9. "You are still in love with him/her!"
If there is no reliable information about it, getting stuck in the past is bad for both of you. The focus of attention shifts from the problems of the present to the ghosts of the past, and you both find yourselves in a vicious circle, continuing to wind up yourselves instead of looking for a solution.
10. "I am right, and you are not!"
Well, if the world was black and white, but in reality, there are not so many situations when one is exactly right, and the second is exactly to blame. Disputes about this are meaningless and do not lead to anything. Instead of blaming each other, you should focus on your thoughts and feelings and discuss them specifically.
So, let’s now talk about the best way to end an argument and the process of ending an argument in general.
Best Ways to End an Argument With a Woman
How to end an argument? Here’s the first thing you should know about quarrels. Quarrels are the moment of the heat of both partners. Regardless of what caused it, it is important to act carefully enough so that, on the one hand, you don’t lose a partner, and on the other hand, you don’t lose their respect by showing weakness.
Unfortunately, most guys make mistakes when they are always the first to meet and try to appease their soul mates. This leads to the fact that girls completely lose their sexual attraction to them (although this does not immediately appear). “What then? Do not give in to anything and always wait when she will be the first to reconcile?” you ask. In fact, it is not the fact of reconciliation that matters, but whether it is necessary to do something in your situation. After all, your behavior will depend on ...
What Was the Cause of Your Disagreement?
- Ego
How to stop an argument girl? When one of the partners does not want to give in to the other in something “out of principle,” then trouble occurs. Relationships can crack at this moment because the second partner will begin to feel that no one is going to realize their desires and needs. Sooner or later, this results in a quarrel.
And if both partners do not want to go towards each other, then the quarrel comes much faster. The only way out for both of you is to become wiser. If one has learned to concede, and the second continues to use the pliability of the first, then it makes sense to think about the need for such a relationship.
Of course, I do not urge you to run now and immediately apologize to your soulmate. To do this, you need to at least read the article to the end and find out if your apologies really have a place to be.
- Unpleasant habit
How to stop an argument? At the moment when there is a strong love, partners more and more often notice unpleasant moments in behavior in each other. Soon, they become so unpleasant that at first a slight remark is made, and if the habit does not disappear, all this develops into a quarrel.
Someone scatters socks around the house, while the other hangs laundry all over the bathroom. Someone is chewing loudly, while another one is incorrectly squeezing toothpaste from a tube. If the cause of the conflict is your habit, and you can’t get rid of it, you need to immediately say that you need to be accepted as you are.
Does this unfortunate habit belong to her? Then just remember why you love her. This is often enough to forget about all her weaknesses. If you are not going to put up with her habit, then try to "cool" her for a while. The fact is that women understand the language of action much better than the language of words. And in those cases when words are not enough, your actions begin to work well.
- The desire to "undermine" the relationship
Take your time to pay attention to her words about what exactly she considers the cause of the quarrel. Perhaps she desired to breathe new life into your relationship. This is the nature of the relationship: when both partners do not receive emotions, they have a desire to fill these gaps with the help of quarrels. You need to be able to notice these signals in time and breathe new life into the relationship with the help of positive emotions (for example, a new hobby or a romantic dinner) and a light “closer and farther.”
- Negative emotions
How to end an argument with your girlfriend? The main motto of a person in a bad mood is, “Just to start a quarrel even without a reason.” Solution: to begin to control themselves, and at the same time, not to allow your girlfriend to pour out the accumulated negativity on you.
- If quarrels are commonplace
When a girl is often unhappy with something and finds some flaws in you, then, most likely, she just stopped liking you like a guy. She knows that you will start to run after her and beg to return. And she would be ashamed to say directly that she no longer loves you and does not feel any attraction to you. This happens almost all the time: when starting to lose some feelings for a partner, a person can get angry because they cannot leave them just like that. And look for reasons for quarrels. However, not everything is so bad, in fact, the girl is waiting for your changes, and you have a chance to fix everything.
To do this, you must at least stop tolerating her reproaches and change your behavior to a more “male” and confident. When you get a little cooler and stop imposing your society on her, her negative will disappear, because she will understand that you have stopped holding her. And if your behavior changes to attractive, she will want to get closer to you again.
- If she is to blame
How to stop relationship arguments? Is she to blame for your quarrel? Do not rush to forgive her! The practice has shown that if you go too soon to get closer in case of her fault, she will begin to lose respect for you. It is better to take away your interest from her and give back your attention and love "piece by piece." So she will appreciate you more, and the next time she will think deeply before making a mistake again.
How to Stop Fighting in Your Relationship or Make It More Constructive
Sometimes you read the latest news and think: what can we say about a truce in warring countries, even if loving people during quarrels refuse to hear and understand each other? Let's learn to smooth out conflicts in a single-family, and there will be peace in the world.
Make conflicts productive
How to stop fighting in your relationship? With the right scenario, you must come to a decision that suits everyone. And this is the most important point. Otherwise, no matter how movingly you reconcile, a quarrel on the same occasion will soon flare up again. By the way, hot “Italian” couples often fall into this trap: the fuse is gone, everyone hugs, but the problem has not been solved.
Unfortunately, in addition to one-time conflicts, there are lengthy and difficult to resolve - when a controversial issue arises with enviable frequency. Your mother loves to come to your place without demand and to put things in order? Your partner doesn’t like that your work is connected with business trips? And you are angry that they throw their clothes all over the place? Such stories, even if they are connected with trifles, are still annoying, just like an untreated tooth. And that means they are undermining relationships, taking positive and warmth out of them. If a good solution does not exist, choose at least a satisfactory one: one that is acceptable to both at this stage (and not just at the moment of forgiveness-reconciliation).
Separate a problem from a person
When expressing claims, do not get away from the essence and do not get personal: if it comes to business trips, you should not blame the lack of a sense of humor or recall the intrigue five years ago. After all, your task is to find the right way together, and not to prove who is right, who is to blame, and who scatters clothes altogether.
Apologize
And accept the apology. This is not so easy to do: in a constructive apology, everyone admits guilt for their contribution to the negative. Apologize only for specific actions that you think are wrong, “Sorry for that,” “I’m guilty of raising my voice.” And be sure to say that it hurt you, “I was offended to hear that.” It’s wrong to apologize “for the show” - in this case, the partner feels insincerity, and you still don’t understand what’s happening, you risk stepping on the same rake.
Do not apologize for the content of the conflict if the question worried you, “Sorry I'm jealous of you” or “I'm sorry that I can’t love your daughter from the first marriage.” After all, this is how you leave no chance for a solution. Besides, you should not take all the blame on yourself, “I'm sorry, I have a disgusting character, I always spoil everything.” Both are involved in the conflict, and both are responsible for it.
We do not need an apology with the caveat, “Of course, I’m not right, but you brought me to yourself” - in this way, we take the blame off ourselves, outweigh it on the partner and give a new round to the new conflict.
Do not rush it
If one or both of you need to understand yourself, keep quiet and calm down after a quarrel, this is normal. No need to artificially drag a loved one into a whirlpool of feelings or force yourself to smile and go to the movies - it will only get worse. You both have the right to privacy and reflection. The main thing is that this does not turn into a demonstration and manipulation - when you need not time, but increased attention, "No, no, everything is fine, I’m not offended, don’t be bothered who cares about my feelings."
Love fever
Is it worth completing the reconciliation with sex? Yes, if “complete” does not amount to “replace.” Suppose the reason for the quarrel is trifling, and the quarrel itself can be called an outbreak rather than conflict. Then the output of the accumulated tension will help feel the partner, their love and affection. But provided that both of you are ready for this. If one does not want tactile intimacy, even simple hugs, the second one only needs to be patient. And to make it easier, turn your attention to other things.
By the way, the phrase, “I generally never take offense to anyone” refers to the same implausible phrase. To be offended is normal, the main thing is to understand the reason and help yourself and the partner draw the right conclusions.
Don't push
Some people are unbearably hard to admit wrong. They generally have a difficult relationship with guilt. There may be several reasons. For example, often such recognition, especially for men, is equated with defeat and almost humiliation. Another reason is an unresolved conflict with guilt that comes from childhood: when a child considered themselves to be guilty in some difficult situation, for example, in the illness of relatives (“I behaved badly, my grandmother had a heart condition”) or a divorce from parents. In this case, the topic of guilt is, in principle, very difficult, frightening, and painful. If you feel that the words "I'm wrong" are given to your beloved hard, do not force them. And if you can’t pronounce them yourself, try to express your feelings through actions. It works even better.
Any problem in a couple is a problem of two. Listening, supporting and trying to understand each other, it is easier to solve it than to look for the guilty person or find out who is the boss and main fellow in the house. The key to a good and long peace is sincerity and honesty about oneself and another, not leaving pitfalls or spectacular trump cards for the next quarrel.
Add Comment