We often talk about toxic relationships. Almost every person faced destructive relationships at least once in a lifetime. Someone integrates such an experience into their life and becomes stronger, wiser, and more mature. As a result, they build a more conscious and serious relationship. While others step on the same rake again and again simply because they do not know how to recognize the signs of toxic relationships. Now, we are going to tell you about toxic relationships, unhappy marriage signs, and how to get out of a bad relationship.
Toxic Relationships Definition
A toxic relationship is any interaction between people (spouses, friends, acquaintances, or work colleagues) that brings a person emotional pain and complete exhaustion. This is communication, as a result of which a person consciously or unconsciously “poisons” another one, making them feel depressed, worthless, frightened, exhausted, and so on – there can be a lot of options for negative feelings.
Unlike normal dealings, toxic relationships do not bring any benefit: instead of personal growth and positive emotions, a person risks developing mental or even physical illnesses. Sooner or later, the victim feels all the “charms” of such conditions, for example, apathy, continuous stress, depression, a progressive decrease of self-esteem, panic attacks, and a nervous breakdown. Such a scenario is dangerous because it can lead to a psychiatric couch at best, and suicide at worst. Moreover, a great number of people have suffered such a kind of relationship for several months or even years. It took them a lot of time not only to get out of the toxic relationship but also to realize that what is happening to them is abnormal.
The Dangers of a Toxic Marriage
Nowadays, many psychologists and even psychotherapists deal with the negative effects of toxic relationships. It happens because some relationship issues that may seem harmless at first glance, in fact, are fraught with a hidden threat to the mental health of a person and their well-being. So, timely perception of the dangers of toxic relationships can help you maintain emotional health and prevent the occurrence of negative consequences. Let's look at the dangers of a toxic relationship.
You risk your health
Long stay in a toxic relationship is very dangerous for mental health. Victims of unhealthy relationships often suffer from severe depression, neurosis, panic disorder, and phobias. Toxic relationships are a ticking time poison. You cannot notice the effect of such poison immediately, but with prolonged and regular use, it disrupts all body functions and destroys human health. The same happens with toxic relationships – regular psychological violence makes a person wounded, disturbs the psychological balance, and leads to all kinds of problems and illnesses. Neurophysiologists have found that constant social stress leads to increased production of two proteins that provoke inflammation and metabolic disorders. Constant quarreling with a partner or relatives can lead you to depression, heart ailments, and even cancer. So consider whether it worth living with someone who causes you so much harm.
Your children may suffer
A child is a reflection of the family. A family scenario is not only a specific behavior that a child adopts from their parents but also a system of values that they will use throughout their life. Toxic marriage certainly affects children and can provoke some psychological problems even from an early age. It is one thing to ruin your life with toxic relationships, and it’s quite another to disrupt the life of guiltless children.
It may provoke serious troubles in future relationships
Toxic marriage can cause serious problems in a future relationship. Especially if it lasted quite a long time. You may avoid starting new relationships out of fear that everything will happen again and that a loved one will do the same things as your ex-partner. Moreover, this fear has no time frame. You just have to wait until you can trust and confide in someone again.
You may have trust issues with everyone
Getting through a toxic relationship, you become more careful. It is hard for you to believe that people can be truly kind and sincere and that no one will hurt you. You become cautious with people, even too much.
You ruin your life
It is very simple to lose your identity in a toxic relationship. A toxic partner skillfully manipulates their victim, forcing another person to put their desires, needs, and feelings on the back burner. This is a common problem in many toxic marriages. One of the partners inclines the second to do what they want. But in the end, after many years of living together, one suddenly realizes that they lost themselves and disappeared into their partner, into their goals and desires. It brings nothing but pain and frustration.
Our life is unique and inimitable, as we are. Therefore, it is foolish to waste time on being just a small part of someone. Loss of personality can lead to strong addiction due to which a person cannot break up the toxic relationship without exterior help.
Signs Your Marriage Is Toxic
Many people wonder, “Is my marriage toxic?” How to distinguish healthy relationships from unhealthy ones that have no future? Dependent, toxic, neurotic – call them as you wish. The idea is that toxic relationships do not bring real happiness but are just their surrogate. Therefore, you should know 10 obvious signs of a toxic marriage.
1. Parasitizing
You feel like a Chinese worker at the Apple factory, who works double tides but, at the same time, your partner seems to be completely satisfied with their life – they fulfill their childhood dreams, have fun, and builds a career, not caring about the material side of the work. Such behavior is one of the most obvious signs of disrespect in marriage. Woman seeking man will never start a relationship with such a self-affected person.
Therefore, check with whom your partner lives, with you or with the amenities you provide for them: tell them that you are going to change your high-paying job for a more modest one, but one where you can reveal your talents. Or that you can no longer do all the household chores alone while they are resting in front of the computer screen. Their response will speak volumes.
2. Inability to talk about problems
If your partner does not want to hear a mere word that you both need to change something in your relationships, it suggests that everything suits them quite well. But if, at the same time, you feel that you have a problem to deal with, this is a sign that there is no harmony in your couple. While one enjoys, the other is disturbing. Such relationships will be increasingly spoiled by the poison of misunderstanding and unwillingness to hear a loved one – the inability to reach out to a partner leads to despair and a sense of impasse.
3. Self-hatred and unhappiness
One of the main consequences of getting stuck in a web of toxic relationships is a growing dissatisfaction with oneself: when there is a person next to you who constantly underestimates you, then sooner or later, you will begin to think that they are right, and you are an ungifted, dull, and hopeless person. Sometimes the subconscious mind tries to tell you that you are on the way towards disaster.
4. Inability to think about a shared future
A distinctive feature of a healthy relationship is a sense of stability and confidence in a partner: even if you live with a war correspondent who has not been at home for several months, you can make plans with them and see a common future. Everything is different in a toxic relationship: neither a common future nor a present knit you together, but the past – you are trying to find an excuse why you are still together in fond memories that may be already five or ten years old. If you are embarrassed to think about a joint future and sometimes even scared, this is a sign that your relationship is poisoning your life.
5. Manipulation
What makes a person remain in a toxic relationship even if they have long understood that they are at a dead-lock? According to a study of Canadian psychologists, this is a fear of being alone. It is because of this fear that men and women continue to live with partners who destroy their identity. A toxic partner most often feels or even fully realizes the fear of their beloved to be abandoned and tries to use it to demand more and more conditions on which they are ready to stay in this relationship. Power spoils a person: the stronger your dependence on your partner is, the more impudent and selfish they become.
6. Disputes for disputes
Probably, there are some couples on Earth (or in another galaxy) who have never quarreled. Miracles happen. But in fact, all normal people have arguments, the difference is that a quarrel can be constructive – you share feelings and thoughts or discuss a quarrel after its completion, and destructive – screams for the sake of screams, no discussion, no result. And the second option is a sure sign of a toxic relationship. A roller coaster is good only in an amusement park. If you spend one day peacefully, and the next one passes with screams and drama – this is an unhealthy relationship.
7. You are always alone with your problems
Is your partner with you only when it is convenient for them or when you are in a good mood? Are you always left alone with your difficulties in the hour of need? This is a toxic relationship. After all, partners always support each other in healthy relationships. No matter what happens, you must be sure that your loved one will help and support you.
8. Passive aggression
At first glance, a passively aggressive person may seem like a perfect partner: they restrain their anger and try to be nice with all their might. But in fact, this is a trap: anger does not go anywhere but is transformed, taking on ugly forms. A passive-aggressive person will never say directly what is bothering them, they will torment you with phrases like, “It's up to you. You don’t give a damn about me,” refuse to express their opinion, supposedly maintaining dignity, and strongly resist normal adult dialogue in every possible way. Remember: if you cannot discuss your problems openly and directly, things are bad.
9. Ridicule and constant criticism
“They are a kind person, but they have a peculiar sense of humor,” “They love me, they just have a bad day” – how many excuses people are willing to come up with for a person, even if they spoil the mood with cruel jokes and criticism every day. Of course, the longer you live with a person, the more obvious all their shortcomings become. They can be discussed, but only in a positive way. If the partner constantly treats you like dirt and makes you feel useless, pointing to every mistake, then this is already a toxic relationship.
10. Jealousy
Of course, jealousy is okay if it is an isolated case. All people sometimes feel insecure and doubt the feelings of a partner. But if jealousy is an integral part of your relationship, it’s worth reconsidering such love. After all, trust is one of the most important foundations of a romantic relationship. You should remember it if you want to meet single girls and build a strong romantic relationship.
How to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship?
No man deserves to live in a toxic environment. To find a way out of this environment is not only possible but also absolutely necessary. Let's consider how to get out of this vicious circle. So, there are 5 easy steps on how to leave a toxic relationship.
1. Recognize the problem
To realize that your marriage is toxic, write down the pros and cons of your relationship:
- Take a piece of paper and split it into two columns.
- On the left, write down everything that upsets you in a relationship.
- On the right, write everything good that it gives you.
- Compare the number of notes in the left and right column.
If you see that the disadvantages clearly preponderate over the advantages, and the relationship gives you nothing but suffering, then go to the 2nd step. However, such an overbalance should not mean that in a certain column, there are just more pluses or minuses, you should pay more attention to the emotional weight of each item.
2. Think of yourself and learn to love yourself
Reflecting upon your life, try to understand that you deserve respect, love, and compassion like all people. There are many reasons why people endure toxic relationships, but the most common reason is low self-esteem. It makes them think that they do not deserve anything better than such a relationship.
Try to realize that the origin of such a poisonous relationship is within you. The basis for them is your insecurity and fear of being unloved, and ultimately, abandoned. Think about the positive changes in your life after leaving a toxic environment. Imagine your condition if you can get rid of toxic relationships and no longer depend on them. Imagine what you will do when you no longer need to worry about a toxic partner.
3. Preparation and organization
This step can rightly be called the most important in the case of leaving toxic relationships. At this stage, you need to develop a kind of “action plan” to get out of an unhealthy relationship. If you decide to stay with a partner and struggle for love, then think about how to talk with them about your feelings and how to fix a toxic relationship.
If you decide to leave, then you need careful planning. Preparation means consideration of all possible difficulties, as well as ways to solve them. You need to find a place to live for yourself and your children. Think about your priorities and consider whether you can give up on the work, car, or house in case you will need to move about. Will you be able to take care of the health of your children if you break up the relationship? Try to imagine all the possible scenarios, even the worst that can happen if you decide to end the toxic relationship with your partner. It will help you in dealing with problems when they occur.
4. Be courageous and break up
Now, it is time to think about how to end the toxic relationship and disassociate yourself from the source of the toxic bond. It may be temporary separation or divorce. Sometimes it’s better not to tell the partner about your desire to end the relationship but simply go away when they are absent to avoid violence or dangerous scenes. If you want to do it face to face, then it is better to choose for an honest conversation a safe place among other people.
5. Take some time to heal the wounds
The last thing you need to do after the break-up is to seek comfort in other romantic relationships. A new partner is not a therapeutic cure for a toxic relationship, as they have no obligation to treat your wounds or be a kind of narcosis which helps forget the past. The best decision is to give yourself time to restore your self-esteem, find yourself, and cultivate hope for a future happy relationship. Devote yourself to the family, friends, hobbies, and care for your physical, mental, and spiritual health with the help of creative pursuits, painting, sports, traveling, etc.
Take Control of the Situation
Toxic relationships are those in which a partner ignores the desires and needs of their loved one. This is one of the types of unhealthy relationships that negatively affect human health and their overall well-being. Very often, toxic behavior is not even considered as such, and people live together for years without noticing what destroys their love. Now, you know the signs of an unhealthy relationship. Take life into your own hands, follow our tips on how to leave a toxic marriage, and be happy!
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