Some of us are ready to go with the stream, others always want to be at the helm. The desire to control everything can help a person become a good leader or an assiduous worker but can also make him unbearable stubborn, manipulative or paranoid. Relations with a control freak can become a difficult test not only for the partner who is under the vigilant control but also for that person who tries to control every sigh of his loved one.

what is a control freak

Who are control freaks?

There are many different types of control freaks, but all these varieties use typical and quite recognizable ways of influencing a partner. Such people try to restore order in your life through unobtrusive manipulation, constant criticism, verbal or physical humiliation. In some cases, they don't even realize the detrimental impact of their unacceptable behavior on your relationship. Often a control freak tries to control only some aspects of your life. They tell you with whom to be friends, when and where to go and what to wear. Such an unhealthy desire to control all and everything gradually penetrates into other areas of your life. Also control freaks don't like when you do something without them, because in this case they can't control you.

They can try to get into those areas of your life that have nothing to do with them, or they start criticizing those things about which they don’t know anything, in a desperate attempt to gain control over these aspects of your life. Often control freaks reject those people who, as they think, have some influence on you, or try to limit your communication with them. Even if you manage to resist the influence of a control freak, they try to manipulate you, causing a feeling of guilt.

Of course, the need for a sense of control over the situation is one of our basic needs. However, if a person suffers the control freak personality disorder, this need turns into a selfish greedy desire, and by such behavior people don't allow others to satisfy the same need, and trample their right to the sense of control over their own lives.

Scientists from Bradford University have discovered some facts about control freak psychology. They’ve found that control freaks are more prone to rapid heartbeat, increased blood pressure, insomnia and chronic fatigue. But, although the desire for total control looks like a mental illness, many are convinced that without it it's simply impossible to achieve success in the modern world.

Fear of failure or something unforeseen is the main reason why some people tend to control everything. In addition, it may also be that a person who imposes order around himself, in fact, struggles with his inner chaos. So maybe your significant other just needs your help and support.

Control freak signs in relationships

Scientists have studied human nature for many years and come to the conclusion that some are really under the control of other people. It's almost like a spell (or, more accurately, witchcraft)!

signs of a control freak

Regardless of who it is: a wife who remains in a violent relationship with her husband, or a mother who constantly allows her addicted child to take out her money - there are many people in the world who manipulate others for their own satisfaction, without caring at all about another person. Although only a few extremes are mentioned above, most cases involving control are less obvious, and there is no physical violence of one person over another. In fact, even a fragile woman can control a big and strong man!

It isn't surprising when a close person begins to take too active part in our life at the behest of ourselves, gradually such relationship turns from partnership into a classic model with the head of the family and the partner that is subordinate to him. It's good if you have always been striving for this all your life. But, if you feel pressure from your boyfriend or girlfriend and can't understand how much it flies under the rules, read some information to know control freak symptoms and find out if you are under the unhealthy control of another person.

7 Sure signs and symptoms of a control freak

1. Doesn’t allow you to prove your opinion. In many cases, people who control others don't allow the conversation to go on in a certain direction if they believe that the dispute will end in the disfavor of them. This is due to the fact that it’s unbearable for them to lose their position of power that is based on the fact that another person considers them always right. Many control freaks are unable to cope with a situation in which you disagree with them. Firstly they can even pretend that they want to hear your opinion. But remember that it’s one of the warning signs of a control freak.

2. Your partner always gets his way. Usually, in a sound marriage there are giving and accepting: sometimes it comes out as a husband wants, and sometimes - as his wife wants. But in relationships where there is control, the "controller" always gets his way. Or he allows you to act as you want in many small things, with a view to have a decisive word in all important cases.

3. Always expects more from you and is never satisfied. Another hidden form of control - when a person creates the impression that everything you do for him is never good enough, and that you always don’t reach the required level. This makes a person feel in debt and even more trying to please, satisfy and serve the one who controls him.

4. Manipulates you with anger outbursts and threats. Often control freaks get angry and indignant when they can’t gain the point. This is because they will bet everything, including violence, to be as they want, and manipulate people so that they obey them.

5. Threatens to commit suicide. In extreme cases, people may threaten suicide if they believe that this threat will bring them care or attention, or allow them to get their way. In most cases, they will never kill themselves if they have a real chance. But they will play on the emotion strings of a person who loves them.

6. Always distrusts your motives. Another not very obvious way of control is when a partner continues to question the motives of another one. Thus, the victim is never self-assured and, therefore, is always on shaky spiritual and emotional ground. This can lead to the fact that the victim will always treat the controlling person as a model of behavior in matters of piety and purity, again and again giving control of his life to this person!

7. Manipulates you with sex. This is one of the most obvious signs of a control freak girlfriend. Often women in a relationship with men use the power of sex to manipulate and achieve what they want from men. But usually, women aren’t so stupid and don’t need sex as much as men to succumb to this old-fashioned tactics!

How to deal with a control freak in a relationship

Dealing with a control freak isn’t easy. Despite the fact that your partner may seem attractive and simply charming in those moments when they need something, if this person controls your every step, you need to do something with this situation for your own good. People who are in love with control freaks often begin to believe that they deserve the attitude they receive, but this perception is mistaken in nature.

living with a control freak

In some cases, we decide to maintain these negative attitudes, believing that such relationships are better than none at all - that is how we fall into the trap of erroneous values. Once you get rid of the constant intrusive interference of a control freak into your life and concentrate on the healthy aspects of your relationship, you will help your partner restore balance and can significantly improve the life for both of you.

On the contrary, if you reconcile yourself with the behavior of your partner - control-freak, you will strengthen his confidence that such behavior is quite acceptable and gives the desired results. But one day dating a control freak will be impossible.

People who suffer from constant control of their partner often do nothing to solve this problem, they hesitate or even try to justify the behavior of their partner - they can say that their beloved express their love in such way, or that they try to maintain the relationship.

So, how to deal with a control freak? Recognize that you will never behave like they do, but don't keep silent if one of these people upsets you. In their black and white world, there are no halftones, so be sure to tell what touched you, why it hurts, and explain how to avoid such situations in the future.

In order to effectively resist the influence of your partner, you need to remain calm and not to roll down to screams and abuse. Perhaps your partner won’t immediately perceive the message - most likely, you will have to point this person several times to the fact that you are no longer going to tolerate their constant control. However, after several repetitions, they will catch the meaning of this message. Your own behavior should also correspond to what you say, so try to stay consistent in your words and your actions.

Some people say that one day they calmly discussed with their partner those aspects of his/her behavior that upset them most of all, and this conversation really had an effect. When talking with your significant other about the need for changes in their behavior, you should say that you love them, but you can't accept certain features of their behavior. During the conversation point your partner clearly and intelligibly the details that you would like to change.

Speak about the emotions that you are experiencing about this and describe the manner of behavior that you expect as much specifically as possible. So you can show your loved one that you aren't just attacking them, but trying to solve the problem. Remember that you need to stay calm, if it isn't possible for your beloved - this is their problem, you aren't responsible for their behavior. A calm manner of communication will tell your partner that, at least, you are trying to conduct a serious conversation with him/her.

If your partner stays the same and doesn't take your feelings and experiences into account - it's time to come out of a relationship.

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