When you comfortably get on with your life, almost completely forgetting about past trauma of a painful breakup, your phone beeps. Who is it? None else than your ex, the source of trepidation and anxiety. Or, if you broke up as friends, they can be a pleasant reminder of your happy past. Either way, until you’ve completely moved on, there is no remedy from feeling iffy about that mysterious text. 

When an ex texts you, what does that mean? Is there a reason why an ex texts you after break up? How to respond to an ex contacting you? What to say when your ex texts you? These and many other questions come right through your mind. Do you answer them immediately or play it cool? Do they want to reconcile or just check in with your mood? How do they feel without you?

my ex texts me

Sometimes exes text you: why do they do that?

Even if you already moved on, actively dating or using sites to find women, why does your ex still want to contact you? With the presence of social media, you can never be out of sight of your ex. They can still successfully check on you on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and other platforms. But what do they want, especially if they were the one to dump you? Sometimes exes text you out of blue because:

  • They are genuinely interested and concerned about your life. Ideally, two adult people should break up as friends or at least good acquaintances. But some unpredictable factors make it difficult. Still, there is a possibility your ex has a warm place in their heart for you.
  • They feel nostalgic. Sometimes this feeling hits suddenly, you cannot fight it, so the only way to feel better is to text your ex. Maybe your ex is lonely and just wants to feel some warmth from you.
  • They are drunk. It is no secret that liquor often mean drunk calls. The good thing is, it is usually easy to detect whether your ex will regret it the next morning.
  • They just want sex. Some exes are not ashamed to ask you for a casual hookup. If you are OK with it, there is nothing terrible in ex-sex.
  • They want to see you suffer. Petty crazy exes are a whole other chapter. Even if he or she is not interested in your life, they can still inform you about their next crush, financial status, good physical form, or brag about a good life without you. Smells like a temper tantrum.

Is it OK to respond texts from your ex?

Sometimes it is reasonable to respond to your ex-partner when:

  • They ask about your health or the health of your family. There is nothing wrong with answering such a wholesome message. If you are still friends or your families keep in touch, it can be a mature way to express human support.
  • You didn’t set a no-contact rule. In case you promised to check on each other with no feelings involved, you can ask your ex whatever you want, answer their questions, give or receive advice, and reflect on current situations. Again, not a very common case.
  • You or they are single. If both of you don’t have a partner, it is OK to contact each other and reflect on the way you broke up.
  • You broke off as friends. In case you established a strong bond or a brother-sister situation, a call or a text won’t hurt.
  • They didn’t abuse you. If you broke up because of different life paths, it is OK to talk still. But if one of you cheated, mentally or physically abused the other partner, there are no logical reasons for you to contact.

When your ex texts you out of the blue, consider these important factors

reasons why your ex texts you

What to do if your ex texts you when you least expected? What do you do in this situation? Sometimes it is hard to maintain a straight face, but you need to recollect yourself and think over the next moves. They are an ex for a reason, so before texting them back the second you saw a message, consider the following important factors. 

How did you break up?

What was the reason of your split. Was it because you were too tired with each other’s antics? Was it a love triangle, their constant lies or excuses. Did they insult you or your closest environment? Did you decide to break up mutually and gradually, or was it an instant splash of emotions? Did you dump them or got dumped? When you see these colorful messages about their love and regret, go back to texts from your ex when you just decided to broke up. Now, if you didn’t delete them, remind yourself one more time why they became your ex. 

Are you single now?

It is a dealbreaker. If you want to respond to your ex, never make two people hurt. Even if your wounds didn’t completely heal, you are dating another person for a reason. And even if it seems innocent to just talk to your ex once, you know that you can be caught in emotions easily, become attached for the second time, and completely ruin a new relationship. Is it worth it? 

The same goes for your ex. If you definitely know they got a new passion, why reenacting cliché Adele songs and “turn up out of the blue uninvited?” Even if they were the one to text you, have some dignity and cut them off. 

Will your respond be pathetic or undignified?

If you are not in the best mood, still triggered by the trauma, or just haven’t been doing much lately, it is not the best place to contact your ex. Being pathetic and pretending to be more suffering than you are will get your ex back with a serious possibility, but don’t wonder if they act cruel and aggressive next time. Just don’t be the victim, and even if you feel crappy as hell, don’t show any signs of inferiority. 

What to do if your ex texts you

“My ex texted me/ my ex texts me all the time.” Is it a relatable Google search for you. If the answer is positive, think twice before contacting your ex. There are many beautiful stories when two people rekindle after years of silence and loneliness, but in many cases, breakups are not that romantic. 

Remember why they became your ex

Just because they were gracious enough to bless your inbox doesn’t mean you have to take them back immediately. Please think twice before answering them. If they showed any sign of disrespect in the past, receiving a smiley emoji and a “genuine” concerned text after a year of silence doesn’t mean they changed. When an ex contacts you years later, it doesn’t mean they took these years to reflect on their mistakes, meditate, and educate themselves. Assess the level of damage in a relationship, and then proceed to further steps. 

Take a deep breath and answer later

Because of the adrenaline shot, you may be too hyped up to answer your ex instantly. But beware of being too friendly, clingy, or aggressive. Count to ten, or, what’s even better, take some time and go on with your day. 

Think over your strategy

when your ex texts you out of the blue

Should you pretend to be more successful than you are or just be sincere? Should you tell your ex to miss them or give them the cold shoulder? If your breakup was bid deal, think over the best tactics that will put you in good light. 

Text your friends 

It might not be very classy to report to your friends each time an ex texts you, but unless you are in a nest of vipers, these people wish you the best. They will be the first ones to remind you how big of a jerk your ex was. And if they weren’t a bad person, your friends will be the ones to encourage you to talk to them. 

Talk sincerely

When it is finally time to talk, try to avoid cliché phrases or condescending tones. First, you need to ask why they contacted you. If the reason was genuine, you might proceed to answer their questions, share your concerns and trepidations, ask about their life, and even have a little nostalgic moment. But please, be reasonable and don’t go too hard with all the sentiments. Keep your head on your shoulders and remind yourself why you broke up in the first place to avoid getting into a loop. 

There might be many reasons why your ex texts you. One thing you need to understand is that people hardly change, and unless you broke up with mature people, there is no need to get into a whirlpool of emotions. There is no reason to avoid your ex if they were good to you. You might get the benefits from this talk, but stay reasonable and always put yourself first. 


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