Everything has its beginning and its ending. Divorce is the ending of the story of two. The reasons for divorce are various and numerous. Sometimes divorce is a logical ending of a dysfunctional relationship. Sometimes it’s caused by infidelity of one of the partners. It can be a one-sided decision and the will of both. Anyway, it’s never painless. Good news: it’s treatable. How to recover from divorce and live a happy life again? That’s the question many divorced men ask themselves. Read on to find the answer.

how to cope with divorce when you still love her

Divorce in the 21st Century: Why and How People Cope With It

People love, people marry, people hate, people divorce. And they have been doing this since time immemorial. The ways people start romantic relationships and how they end them are closely connected with the culture of their country, religion, and historical changes. In the times when religion dominated the state, divorces were inconceivable. The church forbade them. However, some religions (Judaism and Islam) allow for divorces as the means of ending the unhealthy marriages. Now that the institution of marriage is the prerogative of law, each person has a right to divorce.

In recent years, the divorce rates are high as they have never been before. There are several divorce trends that can be spotted. Women initiate divorces in the majority of cases. It can be explained by the financial independence most women enjoy in modern society. It means they are not tied to their spouses in terms of financial security.

Another trend is called “gray divorce”. It’s a tendency among people over 50 who have lived in marriage for many years but decided not to waste the golden years of their lives in the relationship that doesn’t truly satisfy them. Also, this trend is facilitated by the longevity and the quality of modern life which allows a 50-something to look and feel quite fresh and full of energy.

Although we hear from everywhere that the divorce rate is increasing, in fact, it has the tendency to declining. This is due to the fact that many couples choose to live together without making their relationships official. Breakups go unnoticed for general statistics.

Basically, all couples can be divided into two groups: those who tie the knot early and divorce within first two years of married life thus ‘improving’ the divorce statistics and those who marry later, in their 30s, and tend to stay longer or forever in the statuses of husband and wife. 

helping children cope with divorce

Long-term marriages are possible with the first category too, but most of them are short-term.

Divorces are painful, no matter for what reason partners decided to split. And the split-up is equally painful for both genders. It’s a myth that women suffer more from a divorce. Men, being imposed that they shouldn’t display their emotions, keep everything to themselves thus experiencing more intensive post-divorce pain. No wonder, male divorcees look for the answer to the question “how to cope with a divorce?”. The recovery period will take a while. The important thing is to set the right goals and distract from obsessive thoughts during this dark stage in order to move on.

How to cope with divorce as a man

The situation is more complicated when you’re trying to find the way how to cope with divorce when you still love her. If she has just told you about her intention to end your relationship and moved to her parents, you still can get her back. Sometimes, women us this trick to influence their men, to make them change. That is why you should analyze what she said to you recently, what concerns she vocalized in order to know what you should change about your behavior in a relationship. If you eliminate all those sticking points, you’ll be able to give your relationship a new direction where there will be no scandals and insults.

But if your marriage is over, and you are no longer official spouses, you should accept it. Of course, before you get to that stage, you’ll go through very hard times. No matter how badly you feel, it’s not recommended to resort to alcohol to find a relief. What you get is only an illusion. Also, don’t seek advice from your male friends. They will hardly understand the torments of the abandoned man. Most likely, they will say that all women are the same, so you shouldn’t suffer a lot but forget her as soon as possible. There is plenty of fish in the sea. However, it’s easier said than done if you’re still loving her. That’s why after a thorough analysis of your failed marriage, you should try to meet with your ex and talk. Find out whether she has any feelings for you and what were the reasons for her leave. Her answers will make everything clear and help you understand what she lacked in your relationship.

If she left you for a particular man, there is simply no point in discussing her possible return. When a woman leaves her husband for another guy, it shatters man’s confidence significantly. An abandoned man views it not as cheating but as personal betrayal. The only way to get through a divorce is to forgive your spouse. Resentment and anger will only lead you to a dead end. You can unblock the way to your bright future only after sincerely forgiving your ex.

Helping children cope with divorce

It’s natural that the partners who’ve lived together many years and have common children go through a more painful and dramatic split-up. They used to have a particular lifestyle, and now everything is confused.

how to move on after divorce and infidelity

When the divorce process involves children, the question of custody arises. Usually, children stay with their mothers, so men experience double loss – they lose their spouse and kids. Older kids cope with parents’ divorce more easily. But if the divorcees have a young child, they have to do their best to minimize stress. They should take the right approach that will not make a child take sides and will not undermine their attitude to the father. It should be explained to a child that the dad doesn’t abandon them, he will just live separately.

It’s important to choose the right strategy for dealing with children after divorce. You shouldn’t flood them with presents every time you see them. It’s like trying to make up for your absence or dull your own sense of guilt. The best option is to spend more time together with them, take them to interesting entertaining places and take them with you on vacation. In other words, focus on their upbringing and development. You should become a friend, a protector, and a significant person in their lives. They should experience pleasant moments not only with their mother but with their father too. Only acting this way you’ll be able to stay an authority for your kid, even if your ex now lives with another man and he takes part in your kid’s upbringing.

Moving On after Divorce: 7-Step Guide

For men, moving on after divorce is no less painful as for women. Especially, if the man was happy in the relationship and the woman left him for another guy. Anyway, most people think that men quickly get over divorce, find a new woman, and have children. In fact, they feel broken and devastated inside, but they keep it inside because men don’t show their vulnerability. But one thought is running through their minds: how to move on after divorce? Here are some expert tips that will facilitate your getting over divorce and moving on.

1. Find something to do. The worst thing you can do after separation is to lock yourself in your flat and suffer from the loss on your own. You’ll have a lot of time and energy for self-torturing, so in order to avoid this, you need to shift to some activity. You can plunge into your work, take on extra tasks, dedicate your free time to your hobby, etc. The point is to be busy and distract yourself from overanalyzing typical of the post-divorce stage.

2. Accept that the breakup is final. It’s stupid, but some men cherish the hope that the woman will change her mind and will get back to them. It won’t happen. Of course, it’s hard to realize that this person is no longer part of your life. You remember your love story from the moment you saw her. You shared many happy moments and a good chunk of your life is closely connected with this woman. However, you should look at it philosophically: the end of something is the beginning of something new. Accept it on a deep-down level.

3. Avoid loneliness and alcohol. It’s easy to lose control and become a hostage to melancholic thoughts and negative emotions, such as anger, when you are alone. Another temptation is alcohol. You may think that it will calm your broken heart but it has only a temporary effect on your emotions. Men moving on after divorce should find an understanding and supportive interlocutor. The person in front of whom they won’t be afraid of revealing what they feel inside. Try to be among people, don’t shut yourself from the surrounding world.

men moving on after divorce

4. Be ready to go through all stages of grieving. When an unpleasant event happens in your life, you don’t want to believe it first. And it’s totally natural. This is how your brain tries to protect you. The way to accepting divorce and moving on will go through other four stages: denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. Acceptance is the final stage when you’ll let go of the past.

5. Forgiveness should be your ultimate goal. Sooner or later you’ll forgive your ex-spouse, although it may seem impossible to you first. What’s the use of condemning your wife and blaming yourself? Think of your psychological health. To forgive doesn’t mean to forget. It means to get rid of the burden of anger and offense and to feel calm inside when you think about your ex. Forgiveness is one of the main conditions for moving on after divorce.

6. Give yourself enough time to recover. The divorce process is usually bitter and stressful. Even if it didn’t come as a surprise and you know your relationship was over long before you made it legally over. Use your post-divorce time wisely. If you wanted to go on a trip but your spouse wasn’t into your idea, you can go solo and fulfill your dream. Although your friends may encourage you to get back to the dating scene, don’t do it if you don’t feel you are ready. Take your time. You need to totally get over your ex. Only then, with clear mind and heart, you’ll be able to develop new relationships.

7. Read more about divorce. You are not the only one who experienced divorce. Since almost 45% of all marriages end with divorce, you can find a lot of stories about divorce on different forums. There are also many good psychology books on this topic that will teach you how to move on after divorce and infidelity. You can share your story on a thematic forum. Paper is forbearing.

Divorce is a bitter but challenging experience. It is important to view it as a life lesson. Depending on whether you manage to pass this test and draw the right conclusions, it will influence your future in one way or another.

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