In any relationship, there may be a moment when you suddenly realize that it can’t continue like this. The relationship has come to a dead end, and you need to end it right now because it poisons your life and keeps you from moving forward.
But how to know if you should break up? After all, sometimes we tend to hold on to a dead relationship because of feeling sorry for the partner, habit, or even some feelings. When to stop? It's time to ask yourself a couple of questions.
Signs you should break up
If some of the symptoms listed below seem familiar to you, you should consider if it’s worth to hold onto the relationship.
You don’t talk with each other as often as you used to
At the beginning of your relationship, you couldn’t spend a single hour without each other, and that was normal. Now you think that she deliberately ignores your attempts to talk to her.
You don’t discuss the future together
One of the most natural components of any relationship is joint plans for the future. Some ideas for upcoming holidays or dreams about where you would like to live – all this gives a sense of security, the idea that you’ll always be together. Try to talk about this now, and you won’t get anything from her. If neither of you wants to discuss where you want to go this summer or where to spend the next weekend, this is one of the signs you should break up.
No desire to make an effort
A year ago, you had so many ideas of what to do together, and, which is more important, you wanted to try all of them. Now you don’t even want to make an effort and go to a restaurant or movie theater to keep what’s left of the passion from fading. All you do now is sit on the couch and watch TV.
Constant fights
You used to fight from time to time before, but now this is a real war. You know all each other’s weak, vulnerable spots well and use them to do as much harm as you can.
She pisses you off
Even a single word may lead to another quarrel. If so, then perhaps you have deep grievances that poison the relationship. You’ll never look at your partner the way you did before.
You argue in public
If this happens, then you absolutely don’t care if anyone finds out about the problems between you. It’s a sign that you’ve lost all respect for each other.
You’re striving for independence
At first, you wanted to spend every second together. Now all you want is to hang out with friends or even work overtime just not to be together more than you can stand.
Loss of trust
No comments here, as trust is the basis of any successful relationship. Should you break up in this case? Definitely!
You look at your partner’s flaws differently
Her funny birthmark used to look so charming. And do you remember how she laughed? You could listen to her laughing all day long! Now, this birthmark makes her look like an old witch, and this stupid laugh is annoying.
No sex
Everyone knows how sensitive and sexual we become when we start a new relationship. But now sexuality has disappeared without a trace, and sex happens a couple of times a month. She doesn’t even fake orgasm anymore, and you don’t care whether she enjoyed it or not.
When should you break up?
Sometimes signs aren’t enough to understand that it's all over. You need to know when to take a responsible step and end the relationship. Here are a few situations when you can say “I think we should break up.”
When you’re no longer happy
A sense of satisfaction and security is one of the most important signs of a happy relationship where people enjoy the time spent together. This doesn’t mean that there are no quarrels. Differences in opinion are a normal thing. But if you’ve been feeling under the weather lately, and the time you spend together doesn’t bring you any pleasure, it’s time to go.
When your self-esteem is hurt
People, who are satisfied with their personal lives, feel more confident. If instead of supporting you, your loved one helps you develop new complexes, it’s time to break up.
When friends and relatives convince you to break up
Close relatives and friends often know what we need better than we do. If people, whom you trust, approve your choice, it’s a good sign. And if everyone thinks that your partner is no match for you, you should take their opinion into account. Find out why they don’t like your companion and listen to your own reaction to their words. Perhaps, you agree with your folks’ arguments deep inside but prefer to turn a blind eye to the obvious things.
When you find a new girlfriend
Well, in this case, no one even needs to tell you how to know when you should break up. Sure, you don’t necessarily have to end the old relationship. The way out is very simple, and it's called polygamy. But polygamy doesn’t work for everyone.
When a girl pisses you off all the time
This also happens quite often – the relationship no longer brings what you expected from it at the beginning. Both of you are tired, there’s no faith in a bright future, and the very idea that you may have to spend your whole life with this person is killing you. If it’s that bad, it's better to leave.
Everything was fine when you were dating. Things got worse when you began living together
Here, the problem lies in your incompatible characters, or at least one of you simply doesn’t fit for family life.
When you get tired of the daily routine
This situation has much in common with the previous paragraph. Daily life can be terribly boring. And no matter how sad it may sound, it can kill even the strongest love.
The relationship started well, but soon something went wrong, or you learned what you didn’t know before Sometimes it happens. At the beginning of the relationship, people tend to hide their shortcomings. If both partners put all their drawbacks on the table at once, the relationship may end before it begins. But you can’t hide them forever.
When either you or she has changed
Some people are constantly growing up and developing, while others aren’t. As a result, there may be a situation when one of you makes a step forward, and the second partner remains on the same level, so one of you may become bored. It's not necessary to break up, but if you completely lose interest in the partner that doesn’t want to develop as a person, perhaps there’s no other way.
Should I break up with my girlfriend: a quiz
Ending the relationship is always difficult, even if this decision is right. First of all, you need to be sure that it’s so, and for this, you need to ask yourself a few questions. Here they are.
Do you enjoy the relationship right here and right now?
If you’re constantly clinging to the past, when the things between you were much better, or fantasizing about the future, it’s bad. Do you really think that the world of memories and dreams allows you to feel alive? Perhaps you have a picture of a perfect partner in your head that you hold on to, but this picture has nothing to do with its prototype anymore. You’re living with an imaginary friend.
Are you open for the dialogue with your partner?
In the relationship, it’s crucial to be able to listen and hear. If you’re not interested in what your partner says, then you’re not interested in her. This works both ways. Have you ever heard phrases like “It's not important,” “I won’t talk about it,” or “Leave such talks for friends?” If the answer’s yes, then this person isn’t close to you at all. Sure, you still have dinners with her at the same table and sleep together, but apart from that, you can’t be called a couple. But if you're just afraid of losing a roommate, there's nothing to worry about.
Do you respect each other?
If the answer is no, think about what keeps you together? The phrase “I love her, but I don’t respect her” has nothing to do with love. You probably just need someone by your side, and your partner is this person. But you understand that you’re different – you have different values and goals. Nevertheless, you still don’t want to lose what you have, and you’re too afraid of asking yourself “Should we break up?”
Do you want to be with her?
If not, no one is going to judge you. Maybe some of her peculiar character traits you liked before now seem like blatant flaws, and sex is not as awesome as it was. Stop torturing her and end your own suffering. It's time to admit that you were happy once, but now the very presence of this person in your life makes you mad. Perhaps the only thing that keeps you next to her is a sense of guilt. But if you’re looking for an excuse to break up with her and expect that she will give it to you, don’t wait: you don’t need a reason to put an end to this relationship.
Are you afraid of hurting her?
If you’re used to thinking about other people’s needs, it’s possible that you don’t really want this relationship but are afraid to tell your partner that it's over. You need to understand that you don’t do her any good, staying with her just because you feel sorry for her. You need to learn how not to be a person, who strives to please everyone around. If you know that there’s no prospect for you in this relationship, it’s best to finish it as soon as possible because this way you’ll give the partner a chance to recover faster after the breakup and find a better match.
Try to end the relationship quietly, but this doesn’t mean that you need to postpone your decision because of birthdays, weddings, Valentine's Day, Christmas with your family, and other events that can make a breakup awkward. This can last forever, and there’s no ideal time for a breakup, although one can find a more or less suitable moment for it. But once you decide, don’t ask her questions like “Should we break up or stay together?”
Are you embarrassed to show up with your partner anywhere?
This is a very important point. If you go to a party with friends or colleagues, do you invite your partner to join you, knowing that she’s smart and interesting? Or maybe you’re constantly trying to think of reasons not to take her with you because you don’t like to be seen next to her?
Sure, there are such things as shyness, as well as things you’d like to do without your partner, but in general, you should be proud of the person near you, and you should want to introduce her to your friends and family. If you don’t like the idea that you’ll be seen together, can you be happy in a relationship?
Is your relationship built on manipulation and control?
Such relationships can’t be called healthy, and to fix them, a partner prone to strict control must completely change. If they can’t or doesn’t want to do this, the relationship must be ended as soon as possible. If you feel that your partner is closely watching everything you do and criticizes you every time you want to do something your own way, you’re facing a big problem.
Sometimes it isn’t easy to tell how to know if you should break up with someone. You probably found something familiar in this article and thought that you could simply work on it. Yes, if the relationship is worth your effort, you don’t need to give up right away. However, remember one thing: there are a lot of guys bearing miserable relationships they regret that they can’t get rid of. Don’t become one of them.
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