When women turn down a date, men think that they are heartless creatures. In fact, it takes a girl a lot of courage to decline a date. Well, some women are used to the date rejection and they don’t care about their dating karma at all. However, most of them don’t want to hurt their admirers’ hearts and feel the pangs of conscience every time they have to come up with an excuse or just ghost. If you are one of those nice girls and you want to make your rejection sound as polite as possible, this article is for you. If you are a man and you want to find out the truth behind dating rejection, this article is for you.

turning down a date

Possible reasons for turning down a date

This paragraph is intended for men. Every rejection is individual and it’s difficult to determine the most frequently used reason for declining an offer to go out on a date. But there can be named four common reasons.

Busyness. If a girl rejects to have a date with you, there can be a very simple explanation to it – she has more important things to do. You shouldn’t think that having declined your invitation she is trying to avoid you. There are some situations when a person is too busy to make time even for a short walk.

Lack of desire. Perhaps, a woman doesn’t want to go out with you simply because she is not in the right mood. There are some days when the desire to stay at home and do nothing dominates. And it can happen that you ask a woman out particularly on one of those days.

Lack of attraction. Another reason why a girl may not want to go out with you is that she is not into you that much and she doesn’t feel your date can bring her any pleasure. Actually, this is the worst reason of all.

Relationship. If you approach a girl on the street, you can’t know whether she is single or in a relationship. It may turn out that you approached a girl who already has a boyfriend. Some women are bold enough to turn down your offer giving a real reason while some may start making up polite plausible explanations.

How to Turn Down a Date and Stay Nice

turn down a date

A man asks you out on a date but he is not the man you would like to go out with. He doesn’t attract you physically or you feel no chemistry. Maneuvering in a relationship is a fine art and you should master it from learning how to decline a date with a man you don’t view as your potential partner.

Don’t say maybe if you mean no.

If you want to refuse man’s offer, it doesn’t mean you should resort to a “convenient” maybe just because you are scared to say no. Just collect your thoughts and be straightforward. If you say something resembling maybe, you’ll only intensify his endeavors to win your heart and make your further rejection even more painful for both of you.

Straightforwardness, not cruelty.

If you are worried about your admirer’s feelings, try to make everything clear quickly. The sooner you clarify the situation, the sooner he can move on. Don’t be rude or insult him in any way – just be honest. Your “No, thank you” will solve the problem for both of you.

Don’t lie.

If your main concern is how to turn down a date without hurting his feelings, an option of lying becomes more tempting. However, coming up with a non-existent boyfriend or husband is not a good idea, especially if the rejected man ever finds the truth. It can be a good option to reject a stranger in a café, but if it’s someone you know for a while, don’t lie to get rid of him.

Compliment him.

If you want to avoid a date in the most painless way, compliment your admirer. If you don’t know him very well, compliment him on his style or just say some pleasant things. This will cushion your further words and save him from vain hopes. Be and sound sincere.

Don’t drop hints you might have second thoughts.

If you say you are very busy now, it means you are hinting that you are ready to meet later. It’s not a good decision because a man will hope for a rendezvous. Of course, a flat refusal is more painful but it doesn’t breed vain hopes. It’s especially important to avoid if you have mutual acquaintances.

Don’t keep him in a friend zone.

If you don’t want to go out with a good guy because you don’t consider him as your potential partner, you might feel the temptation to keep him as a friend. This is another way to make a man expect something bigger. Many men swallow this bait and become friends with a woman they like hoping to bring their relationships to a romantic dimension one day.

Explain your decision (if you want to).

Some men need feedback when it comes to dating. If you rejected him and he asks for the explanation, you have the right to ignore his request. “You’re just not my type” will do. But if you have more things to say, and he doesn’t mind healthy criticism – why don’t you help him become better?

Don’t send mixed messages.

You are trying to be nice while declining his offer to go out and your subconsciousness makes your mouth smile. Remember that your smiling face can mean to him that you are flirting. That is why try to be concise and serious and don’t be too nice to him after your speech. Otherwise, he may think he still has a chance and needs to put more effort.

How to Say No to a Second Date

It’s a weird feeling: your first date went great, he is a nice person, but you are not sure you want to go out on another date with him. Having a first date with a person is like testing the waters. Although dating counselors always advise to have a second date to double check your feelings, sometimes it becomes clear from the very first minutes of the date number one that you are with the wrong person and this date will be the last.

how to decline a date

So, how to end a date if you don’t plan to go out with this guy anymore? There are two possible ways how to say no to a date. You can say it face to face in the end of your first date or you can agree to meet again and then text or call him next day to say the truth. Choose the tactics according to your level of boldness.

Rejection via text is more convenient for you and less painful for him (not sure about it, though). So, your task is to agree to a second date but add that you are busy these days and you’ll get in touch to make further plans. Right on the following day, write him a thanks-but-no-thanks email or message expressing your gratitude for the time spent together, complimenting him on how interesting and attractive he is, and finally admitting that there was no chemistry. Mention his virtues and wish him to find the right girl.

One of the possible ways how to decline a date is to say that he is not your type but you have a friend and you think he is going to like her. This is how you can sweeten the bitter pill of rejection and set up a date for two good people. The worst thing you can do is to switch on the ghosting mode. Unless he was a maniac and this is the only way to hide from him.

Declining a Date: Men’s Perspective

If you pondering over the polite ways how to say no to a date, then you must be interested in how men would like to be rejected. We’ve conducted small research and surveyed our acquaintances. Here are our findings. Basically, they repeat women’s logic.

A flat “no”. When a woman begins her rejection speech, she tries to smooth the sharp angles and carefully picks up the right words. Often, her speech gets too figurative and a man can’t understand whether it’s a “no” or she is just hesitant. From the top of their experience, most men say that it’s better to hear the overt no rather than cherish vain hopes and waste their time.

A classical gentle line. “You are a nice guy, but I’m not that into you” is also a fine goodbye line you can say both in real life and via text. According to men, they get it at once and say that these words are appropriate and don’t hurt too much.

A plausible excuse. Men value your straightforwardness, but it’s hard for you to be blunt, then come up with an excuse that will reassure your date that you are not meant to be. It means no excuses like “I’m too busy this week” or “Dating is a too serious step for me”. They give men the hope that you’ll change your mind. The white lies that will work are the alibi like “I decided to get together with my ex” or “I understood that I want to be in an exclusive relationship with my boyfriend”. But you can use these excuses only if you are sure he doesn’t know any of your friends who may confirm it or refute.

Nice Ways to Say No to a Date via Text

So, you have your reason why you don’t want to go out with a particular guy but you don’t want to be rude rejecting him. Many women have gone through a similar situation, and they made up their own excuses. They wanted to be polite just like you. Here are some of their turn-down confessions that you can take as examples.

1) “I’m a quite straightforward woman but if a man approaches me in a gentle and courteous way, while I’m not interested in him, I just can’t be direct with him. He’s been so nice he doesn’t deserve my harsh “no”. That’s why I always say that I’m in a relationship, irrespective of whether it’s true or not.”

girl says no to date

2) “I admit that I don’t have the nerve to say “no” when it comes to turning down guys. I opt for ghosting. I can’t do anything to my fear of starting this why-not conversation. Once I typed a guy who approached me online, You’re a great person, but I don’t think it’s a match – and never sent it. I just faded out. Why should I write anything if I’m not interested from the start? Saying nothing still works for me.”

3) “I was approached by different men on the online dating sites. I remember once I received a message from a guy and it said, I want to have sex with you. Come to my place. First, I was like, Go to hell, you, pervert! But then I decided I should be nice even online. I replied, You’re such a direct man, but, unfortunately, love is an integral prerequisite of an intercourse for me. I firmly believe that such a strong and brave man like you will find what he is after. ”

4) “I have my own taboo on dating married men, so when my coworker, who has a beautiful wife and children, started to text me and offered to go out, I had a tough task to reject him politely. I don’t remember the exact text but the idea was to say that he comes across as a strong and reliable man, but I can build a relationship only with a single man like me.”

5) “I had a Skype date scheduled but I didn’t really want to chat with that guy. He seemed interesting to me in our initial chats but later I met another guy who definitely outshone him. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I also didn’t want to force myself. An hour before our appointed video call I wrote that I was tired and didn’t look my best and asked to postpone the virtual date. Then I realized there was no point in lying so I got it straight to him. I explained that I met another man and I’m into him. I also said thank you to him for great conversations and sorry for time wasted.”

What a Man Should Do If a Girl Says No to a Date Rejection is not a pleasant thing but it’s a part of the realm of dating. Man’s task is to understand whether a woman turns down his offer to go out just to play hard to get or she really is not that into him.

Is it OK to decline a date over text?
Of course, it's a usual practice today. How do you decline a date if you also arrange it via text? The main rule of declining a date via text is to be sincere, calm, and nice. 
What are the rules of declining a date over text?
1. Do not make up excuses (especially unrealistic ones). You will make them understand you are ready for anything to avoid this date. It hurts.
2. Compliment them. Tell them about their best features, don't be negative, start your decline with a positive note.
3. Explain, but be honest. Anyway, if a person declines a date, another person would like to know the reason. Think about how to text it mildly and nicely.
4. Don't be their friends. No means no. Don't give them spare illusions you may go on a date in the future.
Comments (0)
There are no comments. Be the first

Add Comment

Search Gallery