You wake up in the morning with a beloved partner, go to the kitchen to make their favorite breakfast. Something has changed between you for the last time, so you believe that Belgian waffles will help you sort things out. Someone could say that your partner is probably cheating on you, that’s why they have become cold and irritated, but it is impossible. There are no signs of physical cheating at all. However, the chances are high it is about emotional cheating, not a physical one. Yes, when you hear the word “cheating,” you imagine something connected with physical intimacy like passionate kisses, touches, and sex itself. However, the truth is that even if your partner spends all evenings at home, and they stay faithful for you in the classic sense, it doesn’t mean that there are no emotional affair signs, and they are not registered on a single ladies site. Something has already broken between you, and sex on the side is just a matter of time in such a case.

What Exactly Is an Emotional Affair?

There is a fine line between falling in love and friendship. You are happy to spend a lot of time together, exchange numerous messages, and share your dreams. What is the difference? It is all about the presence of the so-called "chemistry." If there is physical attraction, it is no longer just friendship. The jokes become bolder and spiced up, and you enjoy this game and the tension between you. However, you don’t cross the line not to become a “cheater,” even though you are one. So, what is an emotional affair? How to know she is cheating? It is about your strong feelings for a person who is not your partner. And talking about the latter one, you are not interested in them anymore, and their value goes down for you with each day. An emotional affair poisons your relationships no less than a physical one.

Its typology:

"Soul mate". An unfulfilled need for understanding and emotional connection may falsely be taken for a true feeling.  Thoughts, like "she’s my soul mate" allow you to justify a lie to your partner and lead to a parallel life.

Feel young.  Often those who face middle age crisis fall into the trap of infidelity.  Life guidelines are blurry, they feel lost.  A romantic meeting with a girl twenty years younger seems to return to the state when they were full of plans and hopes.  The betrayal turns out to be an attempt to hide from a new reality. 

Business partners. Your life is filled with responsibilities, you begin to perceive your family as a joint venture where you share rights and responsibilities.  Meeting a new person temporarily helps to stop feeling like a trapped squirrel in a wheel.

 Loss of a dialogue.  Women often think that their infidelity is justified when they are in love.  Men, on the other hand, justify treason when it is not associated with deep feelings and is only about sex.  In either case, partners do not get what they need in a permanent relationship. 

So, Does Emotional Affair Include Physical Intimacy?

If you look at the emotional affair quotes, you will see that it is all about emotions, thoughts, dreams, and desires. It is about how you feel when you communicate with a person, what your thoughts are about, and how your emotions change when you get back to reality in which you are with another person. It is all about the emotional and even spiritual connection between two strangers. For example, you can have an emotional affair with a coworker. You like how smart they are, you compare them with your partner, and the latter loses this game all the time. You feel the chemistry between you, maybe you have already had passionate sex in your thoughts many times, but you haven’t moved on to it in reality. If your emotional affair has developed and led to physical intimacy, then it loses its “emotional” status and turns into ordinary cheating in its classic sense.

10 Emotional Affair Signs

Boredom and negativity are the most common root causes of an emotional affair. When relationships lack bright moments, there is a shortage of warm impressions, and when an “interesting, attentive person” appears nearby, then the risk of emotional affair increases. If such a comforter is online, then their image is idealized at a speed light since you are hungry for new experiences and still believe in your happily ever after. It is easier to share your thoughts and experiences with a passer-by than with a partner. Besides, constant nagging and unreasonable jealousy only contribute to it. Sooner or later, a person starts paying much attention to other representatives of the opposite sex.

1. They hide their gadgets

Everyone has the right to privacy of correspondence. No one should read their partner's private messages with manic desire, monitor their social networks, or check the phone. But if a single touch to their personal

things or the mention of an accidentally seen message makes them run wild, there is something to think about. What do they hide? Why have they become so active in social networks? A person who has nothing to hide will not react so harshly to such little things. It is one of the signs of an emotional affair.

2. They have increased alone time

Nobody says that you should spend all your free time together. To have a harmonious and healthy relationship, partners should have their alone time and boundaries. But if your partner has much increased their alone time, and now they can go to walk alone and unexpectedly meet with friends, or spend the whole evening in their phone, it can become a red flag. Sudden changes in behavior can indicate obvious problems in the relationship. You may already think about how to stop an emotional affair.

3. You communicate less

Communication is crucial for any type of relationship even when it comes to work, social interaction, or any romantic affairs. Lack of communication in a union may mean that a partner is not interested in the other anymore. If your beloved one gives monosyllabic answers to your questions, then the chances are high that their needs for communication are satisfied in another place. It is high time to think about how to end an emotional affair.

4. You don't feel wanted

Everybody may feel tired because of numerous factors, for example, constant household chores, work issues, and life itself. However, the feeling of one's own need and importance in a couple should be felt. Its absence can be a sign that your partner does not appreciate you. Perhaps this is somehow connected with your behavior, or it is about the emotional affair on their part. If you notice other signs in addition to it, it is worth setting the record straight. Recovery from an emotional affair can be a long process and take a lot of nerves.

5. Your sexual life has become worse

When your honeymoon is over, it is obvious that you will not devote every minute to the studying of each other’s body and implementing your sexual fantasies. However, such moments should be replaced by mature and closer sex. It is not bad since you pay more attention to foreplay and strokes. At a certain moment, sex stops guiding relationships, and it is okay. However, if your partner shows only indifference, and they have no sexual interest in you, then why are you still together?

6. Your partner irritates you

When you find a spiritual replacement for your partner, you immerse yourself in a whirlpool of bright emotions with a person who is a new book for you. The main trap is that you know nothing about the stranger, so you are eager to find out as much as you can, while your partner is someone familiar, and thus, not that much interesting already. As we have mentioned, boredom in a couple increases the probability of emotional affairs.

7. You think about your friend all the time

“We are just friends,” you say, trying to convince both yourself and your partner. However, deep down you understand that it is a lie because your new friend occupies 90% of your thoughts during the day. Maybe you think about them before falling asleep. And every time you find out something interesting, you want to share it with them and ask their opinion. And you are no longer interested in what your actual partner

thinks about it. You don’t think about ending an emotional affair because it is your source of strong and long-forgotten emotions.

8. You share your thoughts and experiences with a friend

Spiritual closeness is one of the things that create a foundation of a healthy relationship, and when it disappears, partners turn into strangers. And if you share your experiences with a friend in the first place, while your partner doesn’t know about them anything, it is a sign that you are emotionally cheating on the latter one. A woman can have an emotional affair with a married man and introduce him as a “friend,” even though it is not so.

9. You believe that a friend understands you much better

When you have a crush on someone, you start idealizing them even without a reason. And you endow them with qualities you want to see in a partner. Thus, you can believe that your new “best” friend understands you much better than a current partner. You feel that you are on the same wave with them, while the connection with the partner was lost back in days.

10. You hide your friendship

If you hide your “friendship” from a partner, or you never tell them what you are talking about with a friend because you don’t want to share this info, and you are even greedy to share it, then it is bad. Such a behavior pattern indicates an emotional affair, and if you don’t want to lose your partner, you should find out how to recover from an emotional affair.

How to End an Emotional Affair: 5-Steps Guideline

Many people don’t realize that an emotional affair is no less dangerous than a physical one. Your partner may not know how to forgive an emotional affair if they catch you cheating. So, you should end everything before it gets out of hand. Distance yourself or put your “friendship” on pause to sort things out. It is a required step to bring balance back to your relationship with the partner.

1. Understand the reasons

Maybe you lack care, support, and attention. Perhaps your partner does not spend enough time with you or often criticizes you. Or they do not share interests that are of great importance to you. Perhaps you need strong emotions and adventure. And it can happen that there is no longer love and warmth in the relationship, although you refuse to admit it. Sort everything out.

2. Talk to your partner

Of course, it is not worth telling your partner that you have strong feelings for another person unless you want to get divorced. But you can discuss the reasons why you have distanced yourself. For example, if you lack support and admiration, tell your partner about this. Or go on a trip together to strengthen your union and get the experiences you need.

3. Decide what to do with "friendship"

Be honest with yourself and realize whether you can bring this relationship back on a purely friendly track. If not, you should end this communication as soon as possible. Explain to your friend that your communication poisons your relationship with the partner, and you should cut it off. Try not to meet with this person again at least for a while, so do not write or call them, unsubscribe in social networks.

4. Fill in the blanks

Sometimes emotional affairs happen in couples who lack joy and bright positive emotions. Think about where you can get them. Maybe you should get out more often, or it makes sense to find a new hobby, travel more, do more art or sports.

5. Ask for help

If you cannot cope with the situation, but you want to save your relationship, you can look for a family psychotherapist and start visiting them together with your partner.

An emotional affair is a comfort zone for many people, they comfort themselves and justify in all possible ways. After all, nothing forbidden has happened, you are just joking, flirting, and not even kissing. However, this could be the beginning of the end of your ongoing relationship.

Comments (1)
01.10.2020 11:48
I replaced love with sexual fantasies. Even in my youth, I treated sex as a drug that helped me to forget many difficult episodes of childhood and escape from problems. Later, when difficulties arose in the marriage and it seemed to me that Julia turned away from me, giving all her attention to the children, I returned to it again. I started visiting strip clubs and watching porn. All of this in the end only aggravated my condition, because the real relationship does not compare with a sexual fantasy.

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