Have you ever had an unpleasant aftertaste for no reason after communicating with a person? You joked together, discussed the weather, the film, but something was wrong. After the meeting, you have a strange feeling of discomfort, as if you were squeezed out like a lemon. The reason is not in you. The reason is in your interlocutor and his or her toxicity. Imagine what happens to an organism that has been exposed to toxic substances. The same thing happens with your life when you communicate with such people – toxic people.
Of course, if you chat on a man and woman dating site or date in real life, you will not be able to completely protect yourself from them, but it is possible to minimize communication. To do this, you need to learn to recognize them in the crowd. Well, let’s start.
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What is a toxic person? Expert answers
When we interact with certain people, we notice how they can say a few words and easily ruin our mood. You hear criticism and reproaches from such people more often than kind words. It happens that everything was fine with you, but after talking with such a person, you lose confidence in yourself in a second. Or it happens that you asked for support, and left with the feeling that you are a loser and something is wrong with you.
When we are in committed relationships with a toxic girlfriend, we often have negative thoughts or emotions:
- we feel unappreciated and misunderstood;
- we don’t feel moral support;
- we feel lonely;
- it seems to us that we don’t deserve more.
So, what is a toxic person? Toxic, or, as they are called in psychology, “emotionally immature people” are people with whom relationships are never easy and carefree. Communication with such people gives us stress and negative emotions. Moreover, our close friends, spouses, relatives often turn out to be toxic people.
Toxic people think that the whole world revolves around their problems or their bad mood. If they are in a bad mood, then it is better not to bother them, otherwise, you will regret it very much.
They like to criticize others and other people’s thoughts-ideas-plans. They like to once again hint to a person that he/she is a loser and will fail.
These people are always confident in their own righteousness, they always know how others should live, and they are not ready to hear the other’s point of view. You may even have a thought like: “Am I the toxic person in my relationship?” They just do their best to make you think like this.
How to spot a toxic person on the earliest stages of dating
The main characteristic of toxic people is that they are often cute and kind. They make a positive impression on people for the first time, showing a good sense of humor and skillfully hiding “poisonous” habits. But over time, they start showing negative behavior. So, here are toxic girlfriend signs:
1. They speak badly about their exes
Do you want to know that common signs your partner is toxic? Look, you’ve known each other for a week, and they have already told you about what monsters their exes were. Talking about exes on a first date is generally bad form. It is completely unacceptable. Don’t rush to feel sorry for a person because, most likely, the real monster in this situation is she, and not the one whose place you are thinking of taking.
2. They make themselves a victim
Everyone offends them: their mothers don’t love them, their best friends don’t understand, and so on. And yes, they are constantly unlucky: probably, this is the karma, and nothing can be done with that. In fact, this is not karma, but the desire to pretend to be a victim and not decide anything. Why do you need a person who doesn’t want to solve problems?
3. They take everything negatively
This is one of the most obvious toxic people traits. It is almost impossible to hear an approving comment from them. They complain, make evil jokes, look for a catch in everything, explain other people’s disinterested actions by greed, and so on. Perceiving everything negatively, toxic people actively impose their own opinions on others.
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4. They like to talk about themselves
They never ask about the life or health of the interlocutor and this is one of the negative traits of a toxic person in a relationship. They are not interested in talking positively about someone other. Therefore, they willingly share even insignificant news from their own lives but are rarely interested in the affairs of the interlocutor.
5. They like to dramatize
The negative perception of the world must be justified, so toxic people surround themselves with dramatic events. If there are no problems, they will create them from scratch: they will make a scandal or take offense – there are many ways to poison the mood for themselves and those around them.
6. They are rude
What else signs of a toxic person in a relationship can be noticed? Well, it costs them nothing to start using obscene words. Were they rude to the waiter? Were they impolite to the taxi driver? Run. A person who is constantly trying to humiliate people who, in their opinion, are lower on the social ladder, don’t deserve respect. You need to take a lot of effort to deal with such a toxic personality in a relationship.
7. They like to appear suddenly and take up your time
Every time you make plans for yourself, the toxic person appears without warning and starts wasting your time. They don’t care that you are going to go somewhere or waiting for guests because right now a toxic person has an urge to tell you what happened ten years ago at that memorable party.
8. They lie
Toxic people lie and can easily come up with a story for which Hollywood scriptwriters would have paid a big sum without further ado. Toxic people very quickly forget the facts that discredit them in the eyes of others. But they gladly embellish their stories with small invented details that make them look better.
9. They love to control and manipulate
They definitely need to know where you were, what you did at that time, who you met, with whom you talked, at what time you will return home. And if you are even five minutes late, the evening will end in a scandal. Don’t forget that no one can totally control you and demand unquestioning obedience from you because you are a free and independent person!
10. They don’t know what empathy is
Toxic people have problems with emotional intelligence and empathy. They don’t know how to sympathize, empathize, put themselves in other people’s shoes, and so on. They don’t doubt that they are the center of the entire galaxy and see no reason to adapt to other people.
What to do if you are in relationships with a toxic person
A synonym for the word “toxins” is poison. So, these people poison everything around them. Irritation, exhaustion, depression, anger – this is what a person feels when communicating with them. Since it is poison, an antidote is needed. Do you want to reduce the toxicity from communication and relationships with someone who is trying to ruin your mood and make your existence intolerable? Follow simple rules and expert recommendations!
1. Don’t try to refute the opinion of a toxic partner
The mistake of many people who are “caught” in toxic personalities’ nets is that they try to prove something to them. Having started the discussion, you will immediately feel whether the person is inclined to listen to you or it is important for them to have a monologue where you will be a listener. If you are not listened to and even logical arguments don’t work, then give up vain attempts to prove something. Don’t even waste your energy.
2. Talk to a toxic partner calmly, confidently, and clearly
The unwritten norms of common sense or decency are almost unknown to toxic people. When communicating with a toxic person who begins to accuse you of all sins and wants you to begin to answer them in the same spirit, speak calmly and clearly. You have to be completely confident in your strengths and rightness. Don’t hesitate to emphasize well-known and obvious details because there is simply no other way to talk to toxic people.
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3. Set a clear definition of personal boundaries
How to deal with toxic people? Well, the best remedy against toxic people is to clearly define the boundaries of what is acceptable. In other words, you should demand that your personal space can’t be respected impolitely. You need to make it clear to your partner what will happen if the conditions you set are violated.
4. Show a little sympathy
When someone you love is toxic, just remember that toxic people are deeply unhappy themselves. They can’t be cheerful when they talk and think only badly about people. Gossip and envy eat them from the inside. These people avoid long-term communication. In most cases, their behavior is a response to their own setbacks and problems. They are people too. So, don’t be vindictive, a little compassion doesn’t hurt. Just remember about the permitted boundaries and everything will be fine.
5. Consider an “escape plan”
Lying is not good, but in the process of a dialogue with a toxic person, don’t hesitate to come up with some excuse why you can’t continue the conversation further or provide an unthinkable reason. The more convincing your deception is the better. It will help save a relationship with the person and not seem too hard-hearted. But again, don’t let them overstep your boundaries.
6. Work on yourself
If your partner is toxic, consider your habits and behavior. Ask yourself why is this poisonous person striving for you? The answer is really simple – they are comfortable being with you. It is easy for them to realize their plans next to you. Learn to love your needs, get back to solving your problems and the needs of your relationship.
Can you change your toxic partner?
Many reputable psychological publications are full of tips on building relationships with toxic people. All tips are different, but they carry one informational message – the problem is solved only through a breakup and distance. However, not everyone is satisfied with this. Breaking a toxic relationship is an effective and radical solution. But it is important to understand that help needs not so much the one who suffers from a relationship with a toxic person, but the one who has the toxic behavior. Therefore, if a person is dear to you and you are not ready for a breakup, then don’t lose hope for their “recovery” as you can still fix the situation.
In any case, toxic communication poisons life, and hinders development and movement towards goals. Such people will still penetrate the soul of their loved ones and spread their poison.
That is why surround yourself with people who give you a breath of fresh air when communicating. Those people with whom you want to share something personal, with whom it is interesting, who support, don’t criticize, respect, and accept you the way you are.
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