Monogamy is a form of relationship, highly praised in our society. Since the hookup culture rules the world, there are so little people who can actually stick to their commitment, from a starting point, “till death do us part.” There is monogamy, we have polygamy…wait, so we have something in between?

Psychologists divided in the strive for accuracy, suggesting the term of serial monogamy. Wait, but what is it?

what does serial monogamy mean

What Is a Serial Monogamist?

So, how can we define serial monogamy? This type of monogamy means that you stick to one person in a long-term relationship, but when everything falls apart, you hop into other relationships at once, hoping that they will fulfill this void in your soul. You have a relationship with one partner at a time, but once it ends, you start a new round of traumatizing experiences (because there is no way you can find a better person after such a short period of being alone). If you think that meeting a new guy or girl is a good way to heal yourself from a previous breakup, you are actually getting soaked up in a series of co-dependent relationships, where every following experience gets deeper and deeper into your soul. Ultimately, you are broken, but still covering it up with other people. Paradoxically, a serial monogamist doesn’t like people who think hookups are a good idea. They despise polygamous friends, sticking to a “fairer” version of life, whereas this way of building a relationship is no better because your new partner may not know there are serving as a mediator, a healer, and a nanny to make a serial monogamist recover from a breakup. In fact, serial monogamy is characterized by an intense idealization of a partner. Serial monogamists can actually assure themselves they meant to be with this person, even though it was the thirtieth relationship in their lives.

So, ultimately, what does serial monogamy mean? It is an innocent intention to find a perfect partner without a knowledge of how to keep them.

Serial Monogamist Psychology

Sometimes we think that serial monogamy psychology is close to a serial killer or serial maniac psychology. But that is not the case. A serial monogamist is not a hunter, not a predator either – they don’t search for prey to “love them to death.” No, serial monogamists are romantics all the way to the core. They not only want to find “perfect life," but they also strive to certainty more than anything in their life. Maybe, they went through a series of uncertain events in their lives, where the consequences were not in their favor (causes of serial monogamy can be different, for example, a father who left their family – it was never their fault). Those people want to take control over their lives with a little help of other partners who, hopefully, would never leave them the same way as their father did.

A person creates a perfect environment with a perfect prince or princess who will never hurt them or make them feel lonely. They think that this relationship will definitely last until both partners grow old and die together because their tandem seems so perfect. However, if a relationship doesn’t end up that way, this person feels desperate, as if something went wrong in life. Consequently, after a heartbreaking separation, this person starts seeking for another, a better partner who will manifest pure love. This time the attraction will be even more prominent because the price is too high for now. However, this connection may end pretty soon because their new partner may sense that they are being used for some higher reason.

Portrait of a Serial Monogamistserial monogamist psychology

And we are not talking about that comedic movie. Let’s discuss serial monogamist characteristics, how are those people behaving in other aspects of life.

  • Idealistic. A serial monogamist never lets disappointment get in the way of life. They are faithful to the ideology that love heals wounds, it’s all the best that the Universe got for us. They never lose hope to obtain a better person (and the keyword is to obtain, not to connect with), even though their last breakup was so disappointing. If you think that a serial monogamist ever stops thinking about love as a better calling, nope, they don’t. If the person who’s hurt in another way will close up and never show their true selves for another people after a breakup, the serial monogamist won’t stop revealing their true self even to complete strangers and even after a sequence of bad relationships. Every other partner is characterized as “the best” or “the one.”
  • Have been in a co-dependent relationship. How else would we connect with a person other than through our childhood traumas? This time, the more broken is – the better. How else could you show true love other than mending someone’s head with your good advice and sweet affection? At first, they will try to be head over heels in love, just to forget about the last partner. But if things get tough, a serial monogamist will wait until things fall apart because of their partner, not because of them and till that time, they will be devoted and won’t even think about cheating with another, more successful, beautiful or kind person.
  • Have demo-versions of a good relationship. What’s a demo-version you may ask? That is when a person wants to be as good, as understanding and generous as they can be to their potential or new partner, but it all lasts as long as the effects of the chemistry wear off. Until then, you will see a perfect partner in every form, even though you don’t consider them to be your future girlfriend or boyfriend. But as soon as that connection is established, dopamine ceases to hit their head, so there is no need in being so generous, so good in bed and ask about their day. However, for a serial monogamist, it will be seen as a temporary crisis since both they and their partner have a whole life ahead to fix their mistakes. Right?

Ten Signs You Are a Serial Monogamist

  1. You don’t think twice before entering a new relationship. You don’t think about consequences, advantages, and disadvantages, you don’t have a burden that they need to break to get closer to you. Sometimes you are called “too emotionally available” since you are the one who initiates a relationship. Even if it might be toxic or potentially has the same problem as the previous one, you won’t be able to see it. You will hide behind a vision of true love and how this person fulfills all of your needs.
  2. You might have been called “a dreamy person.” The thing is, you are idealistic. You are too pure for this world that’s why people can use you for their good, and you will mix it with “true love.”
  3. You had more than five partners. And we are not talking about hookups or dates, we are talking about a mature and fulfilled relationship that lasted more than a month, sometimes more than a year or two. You have been in love with this person, though some people might call you an easy target because you are the type who “always dates someone.”
  4. You have a problematic past. As a person who probably fears rejection, you are trying to fix some problems from the past, be it the loss of your dearest family member, betrayal from your partner or some other psychological trauma that might have led you to this lifestyle of endless lovers.serial monogamy psychology
  5. You don’t like dating. The thought of having to change multiple partners at a time or cut off bad strings truly scares you off because even if you are unhappy in a relationship, it will still be better than living alone. So your better half might not know they do harm to you (or, what’s worse, do it intentionally) because you are so afraid to be dumped that you will better go through abuse than deal with sobby evenings in a lonely room.
  6. You really hate loneliness. You are always with people. You drown in capacitive crowds of friends, spend most of the time in public places, and that is just because you don’t know how to behave if you are left with yourself only.
  7. After a breakup, you hardly spend any time alone. Most people would wait until the effect of a sore soul wears off so that you can start with a clean slate, but not in a case with serial monogamists, who don’t feel too much guilt or grief because of the breakup, they simply find a better person to talk to. And their bubbly personality probably helps with it. Most people would also prefer a series of speed dates and hookups to feel a physical body, but serial monogamists will feel truly disgusted about that. They would rather find a new wife or a husband in two days than doing that nasty with several people at once.
  8. Your relationships might be on a more physical side than emotional. There’s usually not much connection on these quick relationships because to really feel each other in that way, many years of hard work must pass. And that is just not your case scenario.
  9. You burn off quickly. Especially if the person is getting too involved with you, you might be too afraid to move at such a speed, so you will probably find a better and safer option.
  10. You are still waiting for “the one.” Even though you are currently in a relationship, your head is still in the clouds, waiting for a perfect partner with the number of traits that will be perfectly suitable for both of you. Since this partner is not fulfilling your dream, you are too quick to judge and too lazy to work on the relationship till both of you grow old (even though it’s not what’s in your head), you will quickly say, “thank you, next” before your partner even manages to say goodbye to you.

All in all, serial monogamists are romantic at their core. Even though you might suffer a lot from a series of co-dependent relationships, don’t worry, you’re not alone. The key is to know how this mechanism started, at what age and whether you would be able to make up with this person. And if you do, you might learn how to truly love a person without over-romanticizing them and jumping from one relationship to another. One, but a good and thorough marriage is better than three interesting and heartbreaking ones.

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